Guilt: the distinction between right and wrong
We make mistakes from the first day we exist in life. While our family reacts to the mistakes we make as children, those around us/partners add to this in adulthood.
Breaking a vase, not eating, not wanting to go to school can be replaced by not trying for a relationship, a career below your potential, and being born in the Middle East.
Guilt is essentially an emotional warning system that we acquire to teach us what is right and wrong.
When guilt is at a healthy level, it protects our relationships. In fact, guilt is like a constantly flashing signal that you fight with yourself until you take the appropriate action. For example, today is my friend’s birthday and I must not forget to call him! This signal will bother you throughout the day until you call your friend. In fact, the reason for this is the warning you have coded to yourself that special days should not be forgotten. For this reason, you have to deal with guilt until you call your friend.
Guilt feelings are normal up to a certain level. It is even an indication that we have learned from our mistakes and have a conscience. However, if we exceed a certain level, it becomes useless and unhealthy. Intense feelings of regret can lead a person to depression. The most common results seen in people who experience unhealthy feelings of guilt are feeling overly responsible, overly conscientious, overly sensitive, becoming inactive, and hiding behind the mask of “self-denial.”
Evolving from unhealthy to healthy guilt
A healthy sense of guilt has three components:
- Acknowledging that you did something wrong.
- Having thought that this behavior was wrong before.
- Translating guilt into behaviors that improve something in your life, health, or interactions
Let’s say you promised a friend you’d meet them at the airport and you forgot. Your friend arrives and calls you. You’re on the phone. Guilt is waving at you.
What to say when you feel healthy guilt:
“I’m sorry, I’ve been having a really busy day, I forgot I was supposed to pick you up today. I’ll call you a taxi right away!”
What to say when you feel unhealthy guilt:
“You’re right, I’m a complete idiot. I understand if you end our friendship and don’t want to see me. That’s what I deserve.”
People who experience unhealthy feelings of guilt:
- Self-confidence issues,
- Perfectionism,
- Inability to release feelings of anger,
- Inability to forgive,
- Depressive mood,
- States of anxiety, fear and worry,
- Features such as the need to always be in control are feelings that are listed one after the other.
It is very painful for every person to feel shame and guilt. We are ready to do anything to get rid of the painful thought of guilt as soon as possible. Therefore; there are many people who take advantage of making you feel guilty and embarrassed, especially on the street and the internet.
Feeling guilty can easily cause you to donate money, risk your life, happily drink the tea left by others, pay compensation or spread false information. Remember, if you felt guilty and then heard sentences like “Therefore, now you must…”, this is manipulation.
Ways to Cope with Guilt
It is not easy to cope with the feeling of guilt. Just like other feelings, it varies from person to person. Sometimes it is necessary to get help from experts on this subject. The first thing you need to do is to recognize your feeling of guilt and realize its purpose. Then, you need to take action to correct your problematic behavior. After this stage, you need to accept that you did something wrong and continue your life by learning from this mistake. It is important to be able to learn from our experiences after learning from our mistakes. In this way, we will be less likely to make the same mistake again in the future. Finally, we need to know that no one is perfect and take steps accordingly.You can take the first step regarding your unhealthy feelings of guilt in Cihangir and anywhere there is internet, and call my office for more information and to make an appointment.