I'm about to explode: Anger Disorder

In my psychotherapy sessions, we talk about how to learn to control emotions so as not to hurt relatives and colleagues. When it comes to anger disorder, what is important is not what is felt but the reaction.

Name what you’re feeling:

The first step is to recognize anger before it happens. If you’re feeling tense, try to describe your state. For example: “I’m angry right now.” “I’m angry.” “I feel uncomfortable.” A good way to recognize when you’re angry is to watch your body. When we’re angry, our jaw clenches, our pulse quickens, and our nostrils flare. If you’re aware that you’re angry, you can choose how to respond to the situation instead of acting impulsively.

Find the cause of the aggression

A narcissistic colleague or a phone that runs out of battery before an important call makes you mad seems to bother you. But the real cause of the anger may be something else: for example, you’re still going over your morning argument with your lover. Look at the aggression as a friend. Think about what or who he or she is protecting you from. If you know exactly what’s making you mad, it’ll be easier to figure out what to do next. Then, instead of saying something weird to a colleague, you’ll choose to call your partner and discuss the problem.

Take a break

When emotions get complicated, it’s not easy to figure out where they’re coming from. Remember that your perception of the situation can change in a few minutes; after a certain amount of time, you may no longer want to react strongly to what made you angry. Take a short break until the initial emotions subside. Try to stop and do some breathing exercises.

Do 10 squats

The number or the exercise doesn’t matter. Our goal is to burn off energy. Physical activity helps you burn off energy and feel in control of the situation. You can squat, do ten push-ups, or walk up and down the stairs.

Observe the situations and thoughts that trigger your reaction

Anger disorder can be caused by errors in thinking, meaning categorical judgments that evoke strong emotions, even if they have little to do with reality.

Always
Never
Everything
Forever
Always

They are easily recognized by the words

Everyone is my enemy
Never helps me.
He always does this

These types of thoughts feed anger. Try to find a rebuttal to them to neutralize them. Let’s say you are angry with a friend who promised to call in 15 minutes but hasn’t been around for hours. Thoughts like “He doesn’t care about me. For some reason I always call. He must be jealous of me” reinforce anger. Before sending an angry message, try to look at the situation differently. You may remember a time when you felt that your relationship was very important to a friend. Think about why a friend could not keep their word: there must be reasons that have nothing to do with you. This way, you will broaden your perspective on the situation and stop seeing only one negative scenario.

Seek support from loved ones

Learning to recognize your feelings and prevent them from recurring takes time. Tell your loved ones that you are learning to cope with your anger responses. If you slammed the door or sent a hurtful text message that you later regretted, don’t act like nothing happened. Be honest about how sorry you are about what happened and that you are working on yourself.

Get psychological support

If you find it difficult to manage aggression, take the first step now.

I’m about to explode: Anger Disorder